I am requesting for your assistance in improving the |er database for purposes of increasing the efficiency of the organization. Mrs. Sarah gave me the task to improve the |er database. Therefore, I need your assistance in certain issues to complete the task.
First, the system contains a lot of outdated information. In addition, it contains information about |ers who have not bought anything for the last five years. Since your duty entails emailing |ers, I need your assistant in emailing our |ers to find out those who are active and eliminate those who are dormant, from the system.
Second, I am going to install the new Access Software the organization is going to use for the updated database. Since you will be using the software, I am required to train you on how to apply the software when working.
Your assistance in this task is vital to the organization. Therefore, I am looking forward to working with you on this task. Let us create a better system together.
First, the format of the letter must be professional. The previous format did not apply professionalism. It looked like more of a friendly letter than a formal letter. This needed to be changed because the issues discussed in the email were about performing duties in the organization and personal information.
Second, there is a change of the subject head from Help to Request. Help is more of an informal word in comparison to Request.
Thirdly, the main points need to be separated for easier understanding.
Fourthly, there was a vital need to incorporate words in the email to show the importance of the request and the task. This shows that without Joannes assistance it will not work out. Therefore, Joanne will respond to the email with a lot of urgency. Finally, words like working together need to be used to show that it is not a command but a request. It is worth noting that words like Mrs. and request show more respect.