Two of my closest friends agreed to be interviewed about their parents. One of them is Kimberly. Kim is a very brave girl who happened to have her parents both working, and do not have time to talk to her and spend time with her. Whenever she had an assignment, she always do it all by herself. However, when I asked her if there’s a chance that she talked to her mother and father, she simply said “seldom have we spoken about some things”.
I asked if she has ever been scolded by her parents and she said that oftentimes, when they went out together on some occasion, whenever they had a fight over some matters, her mother scolds her in public and even reprimanded her. In that scenario, all she can feel was shame and she really wanted to cover her face to those people who watched the scene. And when they got home, her father would ask her to stay in the corner, standing facing the wall and will not get out of there unless she was told to do so, to serve as a punishment for what she had done.
The second friend whom I interviewed was John. John is a very good boy, he used to go home after school and upon getting home he used to watch the television. This is the cause of mostly all of their disagreement with his parents specially his mom. There is a rule, that he must study first and do all his homework when he gets home. However, John gets stubborn and forgot the rule most of the time. When that happens, his parents would talk to him in his room, seriously, together with his father.
They will always have an agreement that has to be promised by John that he will do what he was supposed to do. They usually end up with an agreement and at first; John will most likely obey his parents. As I reflect on those situations which I have discovered, I found out that their parents have different styles on how to discipline or treat their child. On the first one, Kim’s parents are strict somehow; they don’t have much time to spend the day with Kim. However, there is still a time to talk when there are disagreements between them.
Unfortunately, Kim always hears the words she doesn’t want to hear and the mere fact that it is always done in the public makes her so depressed and feel ashamed. Her parents’ style is like giving Kim an order which is good however; it should not be done in front of many people who can see them. On the next scenario, John’s parents seem very patient even though John sometimes forgets what his task was. The rule given by his parents is basic. To study first then right after that, he can play. Their strategy of having a good communication with John is a good thing to do.
They set time and a place for that where only the person involves can hear the conversation. However, the style given by them seems harsh for a boy like John; because he might be thinking that he will study again at home right after studying at school before he can enjoy playing. I have researched that there are different parenting styles you could use. Communication is an important factor in building a good relationship with the children. This should be done as frequent as possible so that the father and the mother would know how they can guide their children well.
Whenever disagreements happen, there should be a proper place for that and the right timing where the child would not be embarrassed. I believe that giving orders like what John’s parent does is a form of authoritarian style of parenting. In such case, where the parents give an order, the children may feel that they have less freedom. I have learned that discipline comes in a form of a reward or a punishment. I guess it would be better to give a reward for something that the child has done right, rather than giving punishments.
Being a permissive parent is also not that good because the child will take less responsibility in doing the right thing. I believe that a child doesn’t want to have freedom with no limitations. Oftentimes, this type of parenting style resulted to trouble since their children will find someone who will give them the right treatment in the presence of other people like peers. The bad news is, we don’t know what kind of peers they will belong to. If I am a parent, I will be using a democratic style of parenting. Using this kind of parenting, there will be an equal share of attitude by both parents and the children.
In this way, because they are given choices they will more likely cooperate with me as a parent because they can feel that they can decide on their own. However as a parent, it must be taught that whatever things they do will result to a corresponding consequence. In that case, they will be able to learn from their own mistakes and will refrain from doing it again. It is what we call a discipline which promotes a good behavior rather than rebellion. Life matters. Tools for Stressless Parenting. Retrieved last June 11, 2009 from the World Wide Web: http://www. lifematters. com/parenting_styles. asp